


「行ってきます。」

by kotaka_kun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 3.11, Angst, Character Death, Future Fic, M/M, iwaoi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 23:49:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9044525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kotaka_kun/pseuds/kotaka_kun
Summary: Iwaizumi comes back to visit for New Year’s, and it’s painfully obvious that things aren’t the same. Future fic. Angst.Written for HQSS16, and this goes to Clove!! He asked for angst, so here goes!!





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nebluas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nebluas/gifts).



> "行ってきます" means "I'm going" if you translate it literally, but the meaning is usually something more. It is often said when leaving the house, and has an implied "I will return" as well. 
> 
> I don't usually write angst. please forgive me.

Oikawa looked up at the darkened sky, the low winter clouds looming overhead. He wondered if it would snow by the time night fell. As he stood on the quiet hillside with the sounds of bustling life and the city far below, he let out a soft sigh and shoved his bare hands into his coat pockets. The year was coming to a close. Recently, with each passing year, the twelve months flew by faster and faster. This year in particular felt like a blur.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d stood there, when he was pulled out of his thoughts - it had started to snow. Casting his gaze back up to the sky, he watched in silence as the snowflakes fell. He wondered if he’d be left out here, waiting. Again.

Every year, he found himself coming to this hill, waiting for a friend that never came. Still, he’d wait until the sun had long set and his fingers and toes went numb. This year was different, though.

Footsteps drew closer and closer behind him, the snow piling up underfoot almost muting the sound. Oikawa didn’t need to turn around to know who it was, but he wanted to see the familiar face anyway.

“Hey, Oikawa” Iwaizumi greeted. “Long time no see.”

“Honestly,” Oikawa huffed, feigning annoyance, “Just how long do you think it’s been?”

“Sorry.”  Iwaizumi mumbled again. Oikawa sighed. As much as he wanted to keep scolding Iwa-chan, he knew Iwa-chan didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t fair to him, not when he was already so remorseful.

The past several years had been kind to Iwaizumi. He’d most certainly aged well. While he’d lost a bit of muscle tone since their high school days, most of his physique hadn’t been altered by time. Well, perhaps except his jawline. It was a little less defined than Oikawa remembered it.

“How’s work? I heard you’ve been busy.” Oikawa said, hoping to break the awkward silence that had settled between them.

“Tokyo’s alright.” Iwaizumi said, but the way he was biting his bottom lip told Oikawa otherwise.  
“Don’t lie,” he teased, “You love it there, don’t you?

“Okay, maybe it’s better than alright.” Iwaizumi conceded, his face breaking into something that resembled a smile. “I’m doing pretty good at my company, my superiors and subordinates are all great people.” He paused, letting out a breathy chuckle. “My section chief reminds me a lot of you, actually. Peppy, but serious when he needs to be.”

“Charming too?” Oikawa asked cheekily.

“Full of himself.” Iwaizumi shot back, earning a pout and a glare from his friend. He just laughed, and just for a moment, Oikawa felt as though no time had passed since their time in high school. He shook his head a little, not wanting the nostalgia to get the better of him.

Iwaizumi went on to tell him all about his experiences in Tokyo, and while Oikawa listened intently, he couldn’t help but feel put off by it all. Iwa-chan’s words sent a pang through Oikawa’s heart. He’d be lying if he said the way Iwa-chan talked about Tokyo didn’t get to him. In all honesty, he’d thought that he’d be the one to go to Tokyo. But in the end, he’d been unable to leave. He felt rather pathetic, but he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t say that he’d always imagined that he’d have Iwa-chan at his side, the way he’d always been, ever since their childhood.

They had even dated one another once, back when they were in high school. It hadn’t ended well for them, and even now there were things that neither could bear to bring up about it. As much as Oikawa wished for things to be like how they’d been back then, he knew it was too late.

“Matsukawa and Hanamaki told me to apologize to you for not making it back this year. They’re both real busy with work.” Iwaizumi said, shuffling his feet a bit, getting rather chilly in the snow.  
“Go figure.” Oikawa sighed with a shrug. It didn’t bother him all that much. They’d been the ones visiting him when Iwa-chan hadn’t, after all. It had been nice, but he knew they had other priorities too. If anything, they’d likely come after New Year’s.

“I’m getting married in June.” Iwaizumi said suddenly. Oikawa faltered, but managed to give him a smile. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, though.

“Congratulations.” he said, making a face when he heard how half hearted he sounded. It was a lie, and he knew it, but forcing down the feelings that threatened to overflow, he gave Iwaizumi a smile. It wasn’t returned. The look on Iwa-chan’s face was an expression of pain, regret, and frustration.

“Don’t look at me like that, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa murmured, forcing a laugh. “You know I’m weak to your-”

“I miss you.” he said suddenly, catching Oikawa completely off guard. “I miss you so damn much, Oikawa...”

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa tried to continue, but words failed him, and his voice caught in his throat. What was he supposed to say? ‘Me too’? Swallowing past the lump in his throat and blinking back hot tears, Oikawa let out a weak laugh. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”

“Sorry.” Iwaizumi muttered, running a trembling hand through his hair.

It hurt. It hurt so much, Oikawa wanted to cry.

“I know this won’t do anything for either of us. This doesn’t change anything.”

Oikawa almost found himself saying ‘I wish it did’, but he held his tongue.  
“I wish it was you.” Iwaizumi blurted.

“Don’t-” His determination was already wavering.  
“There are days I just regret it so much, I-”

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said sharply, though neither of them missed the waver in his voice, “You can’t say that.” His tone was gentler now. “You’ll make your wife-to-be cry.”

“I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi apologized after a long moment. “I shouldn’t have said anything.” Iwaizumi fell silent once more, and Oikawa didn’t know what to say. He reached a hand out, but he faltered, and then reluctantly let his arm drop back to his side.

“What’s she like?” Oikawa asked. He hated the silence, and needed to fill it with something. Anything.

“Her name is Tooru.”  
Oikawa’s voice caught in his throat, and he let out a soft huff, unsure himself if it was in disbelief or amusement. Probably both.

“Now let me just say,” Iwaizumi followed quickly, “That I didn’t know that was her name at first, okay?” He sighed.

“I, uh, met her at work.”  
“Office love?” Oikawa said weakly. “I didn’t think you were the type.” He was making light of the situation, but he just didn’t know how else to react to the news.

“She works in a different department, but we met at a birthday party of a mutual friend.” Iwaizumi said, ignoring Oikawa’s teasing words. “She’s a nice girl. A good person. She doesn’t take shit from anyone, but she’s got a sense of humor, and she’s compassionate and caring, and team-oriented.”

He tugged off his left glove, and fiddled with the gold band on his ring finger, and Oikawa couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. It caught the moonlight in a way that made it look a little ethereal. Oikawa would be lying if he said he wasn’t terribly jealous.  

“I want to make her happy.”

“I’m sure you will.” Oikawa said with a firm nod. ‘But will you be happy?’ he wanted to ask. But it would be rude to do so.

“I...” Iwaizumi trailed off, and Oikawa thought he heard Iwa-chan’s voice crack. “I need to get going.”

“Okay.”

Oikawa knew he had no right to stop him, to ask him to stay a little longer. Iwa-chan had a life he had to get back to, a fiancee he had to go home to. Clenching his fist and biting the inside of his cheek, he forced himself to say nothing more.

“I’ll come by and visit again.” Iwaizumi promised, his voice strained. “See you later, Tooru.” He took a step forward, and for a moment, Oikawa thought that Iwaizumi might embrace him one last time. But he was disappointed as Iwaizumi simply walked through him, placing a gloved hand against the cold, stone slab of his headstone.

A little shiver ran through Iwaizumi’s body, and he quickly pulled his jacket around him tighter, trying to keep out what he thought to be the winter cold. A moment of silence passed over them, Oikawa watching with a pained expression as Iwa-chan ran his thumb over the engraving of his name in the stone, before stepping back and starting to walk away.

“Become happy, okay, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa called after him, his voice cracking in desperation.

Iwaizumi froze, and he turned to look behind him. There wasn’t a soul in sight, but there was no mistaking the voice he’d just heard. He could feel the hot tears welling up in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He just nodded once, a genuine smile coming to his lips, albeit a small one, before turning and continuing on his way. His feet felt just a little lighter as he exited the graveyard. He didn’t know how to describe the feeling, but he thought that maybe - just maybe - he’d found the forgiveness he’d been looking for.

* * *

 

The image of the blackened raging waters had never left him. To this day, he still had nightmares of that fateful disaster; the day he’d lost a friend, the day he wished so desperately he had been able to make a difference in. When it greeted him in the form of a nightmare, it was always the same.  
It was always the siren, the overwhelming panic, the feeling of Oikawa’s hand pulling him along as they ran for higher ground. The rushing water, too fast to outrun. The look of fear in Oikawa’s eyes as they’d been ripped apart by the tsunami that had forced its way further inland. The guilt of being a survivor of the disaster that so many hadn’t made it out of.

It had been a day in mid-March. Spring had yet to fully pull through, and the chill of winter lingered on  Iwaizumi’s bare hands. It was a rare occasion he’d woken up late, and in his rush to leave the house and get to school, he’d forgotten his gloves. Hurrying along with his hands stuffed deep in his coat pockets, he stopped to cross the street, when he spotted Oikawa on the other side a ways ahead. As soon as the light changed, he ran to catch up, and grabbed Oikawa’s hand when he did. Oikawa turned to look at him in surprise, but his expression quickly became one of amusement when he saw it was Iwa-chan.

“Feeling lonely so early in the morning?” Oikawa joked, but his voice died in his throat when Iwaizumi took his other hand too. “Iwa-chan...?” It was unlike his boyfriend to be so bold, much less so romantic...

Iwaizumi wasted no time and yanked the gloves off of Oikawa’s hands, slipping his own chilled fingers into them with a contented sigh.

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa shrieked in dismay. Iwaizumi grinned.

“I’ll give ‘em back later.” he said, continuing onwards to school.  
Oikawa pouted, bottom lip sticking out exaggeratedly.  
“No fair!” he yelled after Iwaizumi. “ _My_ hands are gonna get cold!” he complained.

They continued their banter all the way to school, as they always did, blissfully unaware of the terrible fate the Tohoku region as a whole was about to bear the brunt of.

They’d still been at school when the earthquake had hit, on their way to the gymnasium for practice. It was almost surreal how the tremors sent the school grounds warping. Screams had pierced through the near deafening rumble of the quake. It felt like an eternity before the tremors tapered off, but when they finally did, the eerie silence made Iwaizumi shudder.  
Picking himself up off the ground, he dusted himself off, helping Oikawa up as well.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you?”

“I think so.”

Standing on shaky feet, they looked around, and were horrified at the sight they held before them. The main school building had partly collapsed in on itself. Other sections were bent at odd angles, fixtures and foundations skewed and precariously balanced on piles of rubble. It was a bit of a blur there, Iwaizumi and Oikawa both having been in complete shock of what had just happened. They’d tried to help the injured - their teachers, their classmates, their _friends_ \- but there was so little they could do in the face of such an event. Some had been luckier than others. Whereas the two of them had been able to escape with minor scratches, some students hadn’t been so lucky.

They’d barely had time to begin processing the pure destruction the earthquake had brought on, when the tsunami sirens went off. A scratchy voice came on after it - Iwaizumi couldn’t remember the exact words it had said, but it had been an urgent plea for everyone to get to higher ground, and that a tsunami several meters high was expected to hit the coast.

“Iwa-chan, this way!” Oikawa cried, grabbing Iwaizumi’s hand and pulling him along. Together, they ran up streets that ought to be familiar to them, but seeing it so devoid of life made it seem almost foreign.

But there was no outrunning the immense force of nature that was pushing seawater further and further inland with every passing moment.

The roar of the tsunami was almost upon them, and it swallowed everything in its path with ease. Whole houses were swept up, and try as they might, the warning to evacuate had just come too late.

The dark rushing water was merciless, and as it reached them, desperate screams of Oikawa’s name had left Iwaizumi, screams of Iwaizumi’s name leaving Oikawa.

Iwaizumi was sucked under, and was immediately struck by something. It could’ve been debris from a building or a car. There was no way of telling for sure, not when the water was so murky. Iwaizumi fell unconscious, his last thought a prayer, begging for Oikawa to make it out of this.

When Iwaizumi came to, he found himself staring up at what looked to be the ceiling of a tent. A quick look around confirmed his suspicions - he was in some sort of medical tent. Cots like the one he lay on were lined up throughout the tent, and people in various states of injuries lay on them. Between the cots bustled men and women dressed in scrubs, tending to the wounded patients. It was rather surreal, like something he’d see in a war film. He looked around, entirely focused on what was going on around him that he barely noticed the man approaching him. When he stopped at the foot of his cot, Iwaizumi blinked and looked up at him. The man was dressed the same as the other medical personnel in the tent. Maybe he was a doctor?

“Sir? Can you hear me?”

Iwaizumi opened his mouth to reply, but it took a couple of tries to get his voice working.

“Yes.” His voice was raspy, and his throat felt dry.

“What’s your name? How old are you?”

“Iwaizumi Hajime.” he managed to get out. “I’m 18.”

“Okay, Iwaizumi-kun,” the man said gently, “My name is Dr. Shinomiya. Do you remember what happened to you?”

...What _had_ happened to him?

He’d been at school, with Oikawa, and then there had been sirens.

Iwaizumi inhaled sharply as his muddled mind began to clear. The sirens. The loud voice over the speakers telling them to evacuate. Chaos. Screaming. Running. Oikawa.

Oikawa.

What had happened to him? Iwaizumi realized with trepidation that he hadn’t caught sight of him in any of the nearby cots.

“There was a tsunami.” he began. The man nodded. “I was found, wasn’t I? Was there anyone found with me? I was with my-” He caught himself. “With my friend.”

“Unfortunately, I’m can’t say for certain.” the man said.

“I have to find him.” Iwaizumi said, struggling to get up. The man looked at him uneasily and sighed.

“Well, I do not have any ability to keep you here, as the injuries you sustained were surprisingly minor given you were in fact caught up in the tsunami.” he said slowly. “You may leave. But please be patient in your search for your friend. It could days, or even weeks.”

Iwaizumi swallowed, nodding as he sat up. Taking a moment to get his bearings, he cleared his throat. It felt raw. Might have something to do with the seawater he’d swallowed and likely inhaled too.

“I suggest you search for your immediate family as well.” the man added as he helped Iwaizumi stand. “Your cell phone won’t work even if it works after being submerged,” he said, “All the cell towers are down at the moment.” Iwaizumi nodded once more, patting his pocket and feeling the rectangular shape of his phone there, along with the gloves he’d borrowed from Oikawa. A chill went down his spine. He turned to leave, though in all honesty, he wasn’t even sure which way the exit was.

“Before you go,” the man called after him, “Don’t forget this.” He held his hand out, patiently waiting till Iwaizumi held out his hand to place something in his palm - something rectangular and flat, and rather soggy. He took one look at the item the man was offering to him, and he thought his heart was going to stop.

It was an omamori.

It was the omamori Oikawa had gotten him when they’d gone to hatsumoude together at the beginning of the new year. It was an amulet for good fortune.

“This just might’ve been what kept you safe, don’t you think?” the man continued on. Iwaizumi didn’t know what to say. He took it with a mute nod. What kind of sick, twisted irony was this supposed to be? He didn’t know how he was going to be able to forgive himself if Oikawa wasn’t safe.

He eventually found the exit to the tent, but when he stepped out, he froze where he stood. The makeshift med tent had been situated on top of a hill overlooking his hometown. But it was no longer recognizable to Iwaizumi. The damage the tsunami had done was so extensive.

That day had began like any other, but had ended as a nightmare that had shaken the entire nation to its very core.

The following days were yet again a blur. Temporary housing had been set up for residents, a bulletin board of casualties and people reported missing was established. It took a while, but Iwaizumi managed to find his father. They searched for his mother, but within two days, her name appeared as a member of the deceased. They weren’t able to hold a funeral for her, but they had been one of the lucky ones - her body had been found so they’d been able to receive her ashes.

Day by day, the list of casualties grew, and each day, Iwaizumi looked through it. But he never found Oikawa’s name there. He’d found names of his classmates and teachers, but never Oikawa. The more time passed, the more desperate Iwaizumi became to find him. At first, he’d been able to tell himself that Oikawa had just ended up in another area of Miyagi. That Oikawa was okay. But the gnawing feeling of trepidation in his gut never left.

Iwaizumi didn’t remember exactly when he’d stopped checking the list of names, but after a while, he found himself going to the bulletin boards less and less until he stopped altogether. He’d tried so hard to believe, to have faith, to stay hopeful that Oikawa would turn up out of the blue with a shitty apology as though it were volleyball practice he was late to. But Oikawa never appeared, and Iwaizumi’s resolve to wait for him began to crumble.

It was almost three years later that he heard the news of Oikawa being found. His father had tried to spare him the gory details, but he’d insisted on it.

He was told that there’d been so little of Oikawa left that he’d had to be identified by dental records.

Iwaizumi had thought that after three whole years, he’d be expecting the news - ready for it, even. But when the tears came and didn’t stop, he realized that somewhere deep down, he’d still been hoping for Oikawa to be alive. That by some miracle, he’d survived and simply hadn’t had the means to contact anyone.

He attended the funeral that took place a few days later. He felt numb, and a look at the faces of the people that had gathered there told him they felt the same.

The death and destruction the region had seen was unlike anything before. People were still struggling to rebuild their lives, and there were people still unable to even return home due to the evacuation order still in place for parts of Fukushima near the Daiichi power plant. People were still missing. The deceased were still being found and put to rest.

Things may never be the same, and the healing process would be slow, but closure would come. But Iwaizumi was unsure if he himself could be allowed such a feeling.

He’d lost his mother, his boyfriend, and countless friends and classmates. Even all these years later, it was a jarring revelation. Perhaps it was the survivor’s guilt he felt, but he no longer felt that Miyagi was his home. At least, not this Miyagi.

Iwaizumi gave one last smile to his father, before turning and walking through the gates and heading to the shinkansen platforms. He felt oddly at peace leaving the city he grew up in. Granted, he would visit from time to time, but he was beginning to realize that there was a part of him that was hoping to leave behind the guilt and sorrow he’d carried around. That he wanted to start anew in a place that he had no ties to - neither good, nor bad.

He emerged on the platform, checking the time before taking a seat on one of the benches. Putting a hand in his coat pocket, he pulled out the omamori, thumbing over the tattered embroidery gently.

“I’m going now, Oikawa.” he murmured. His voice was inaudible through the bustle of the station to everyone but himself. “I don’t know if I can come back,” he admitted, “But I swear I’ll never forget you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Seeing as Miyagi was an area deeply affected by the 3.11 earthquake and tsunami, I felt this would make sense. I was lucky that all of my relatives in Tohoku were safe, especially those in Sendai, but I'm aware that this isn't the case for so, so many people.　  
> This summer, I had the opportunity to go and volunteer at a kindergarten whose children are those of families from Ookuma-machi, a town that was forced to evacuate due to the radiation from the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant meltdown. There were a total of seven children enrolled there, and it was a heart wrenching realization knowing that these were children who never knew their hometown, and likely will never get to know it. However, they were all lovely children, very kind and compassionate beyond their years. I'd like to go and visit them again next year.


End file.
